I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
