I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
