Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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