i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
