I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
