OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
