I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
