No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
