In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
