she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
