I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
