I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's the barista slut.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
