so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
