It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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