I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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