You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
