Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
