a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
organizing the empties. That sober.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
