Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize