Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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