We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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