Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
