Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
