Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
