allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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