the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
