Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Alive.
So much puke
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize