I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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