drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
