i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
