can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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