And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
