Pappa wants mamma naked
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
