found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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