I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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