So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
