had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
