My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
