addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He shit in the fireplace
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
