Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
