another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
