now i know why i became what i already was.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
