I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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