just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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