I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
