i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can feel your judgement through the phone
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize