Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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