Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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