Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
