Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
