just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
