My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize