do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
