I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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