he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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