I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize