From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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