rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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