theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
