i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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