im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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