how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize