Redeem this text for a blowjob
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
