Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
