I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
