Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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