Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
