i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
